10 annoying characters in geekdom...

Not all genre characters are cool like Captain Kirk or Han Solo. Not all are as dazzling as Flash Gordon or as effortlessly awesome like Gandalf. Some make you want to throw the remote at the telly or hope that a warp core breach causes them to melt or something.

This isn't a top ten, it's in no particular order (apart from the first one) - but here are 10 of the most annoying characters you're likely to find in your DVD/Blu-Ray collection....

First to be mentioned because he/it is the most obvious. Easily the most hated character in the Star Wars universe and one of the most despised in film history. He was meant to provide comic relief, but the Phantom Menace wasn't a laugh-a-minute. If anything it was forty minutes too long and tarnished the Star Wars brand (the reputation of the prequels is overshadowed by the lackluster first one, even though episodes two and three are very good). Everything about JJB is crap - his design, his annoying way of speaking ("exsqueeze me" stopped being funny after Wayne's World), he serves no function, is guilty of racial stereotyping and the CGI doesn't even look that good.

Bane is a kickass mofo, he is one of the best comicbook villains and shouldn't be on an 'annoying characters' list. Sadly though, the film Batman & Robin exists. Even more annoyingly, it was a commercial hit despite being utter shite. It's a film famous for giving Batman nipples, puking out terrible puns ("ice to see you!") and for relegating Bane to the position of dumb henchman. What makes him so annoying is knowing that the character is capable of so much more - *should* be so much more. But in Batman and Robin, he's just a brainless gimp.

Doctor Who fans seem to have turned on Adric for being a pretentious know-it-all who may be responsible for the death of the dinosaurs. The fact that Adric knew he was a boffin and wore a merit badge to show off his mathematical prowess didn't help his cause. He wasn't just a know-it-all, he was a young know-it-all and his immaturity comes across as smugness at times. Those wanting to slap him across the face found the producers went one further and killed him off at the end of the fantastic Earthshock. Although his fellow companions begged for a spot of time travel to save him, even The Doctor refused to bring him back!

A mini Godzilla you say? Surely he's a small mean looking reptilian beast! Nope. He's a podgy humanoid with boggly eyes. Depending on which version of the films you see, as well as looking like a green tumour, he sounds awful too. Yeah, I guess he is kinda cute, especially when he blows smoke rings instead of atomic breath. But I'd be happy to see all three of King Ghidora's heads take chunks out of him.

A dinosaur created by splicing together genes from various species? That's fine - that's what happened in Jurassic Park and that film was AMAZING. In fact, using genes from various species was used to explain why the dinosaurs in JP weren't exactly the same as 'actual' dinosaurs. It was a great way to marry science and fiction, and an uber-mean dinosaur is actually pretty cool. But in Jurassic World it was used as a lazy plot device. The Indominus Rex seemingly took on the features of anything it shared some genes with. Ooh look, it can change colour!! I share 96% of a chipanzee's DNA but it doesn't mean I spontaneously masturbate in front of crowds and throw my own shit at windows.

A case of Adric syndrome here. Star Trek: The Next Generation was a hugely popular series (I was a dedicated Trekkie in my teens) but one member of the bridge crew was not popular. Beverly Crusher's son had brains but lacked experience. It seemed strange how a kid was working alongside Starfleet's finest, he looked like the work experience kid - but then again, his mum and the Captain were pretty close. Personally I liked Wesley and I'd love to see a Star Trek reboot with Wil Wheaton back in the role (I should petition for a Captain Crusher series), but as a geeky teen who would have loved to have been on the Enterprise, maybe I just identified with young Wez.

I have to say, I'm not the biggest Twilight fan. I never got how vampires only sparkled when it was convenient to the plot and not the rest of the time: "But Forks is a really dark and rainy place" - sod off, it's not *that* dark!!! Anyway, Bella - why is she annoying? Simple. She is always so damn miserable. She takes 'angst ridden' to a new level. Just smile, Bella.

Thundercats ho!!!! I started watching Thundercats again recently and was surprised at how good it was. I liked Snarf 20+ years ago, but now he's just annoying. The way he ends most of his sentences by saying "snarf" really grates. He's meant to be the comedy element and as an 8 year old it worked, but I'm in my mid thirties now and I guess I want more from my comedy than an idiotic cat who repeats the same irritating noise.

Gregory's girl Clare Grogan as Lister's love interest Kochanksi was fine. She came across as a punky member of the Red Dwarf crew. She felt like a natural peer of Lister's and the casting worked. In the later series when Chloe Annett was recast in the role, the casting just didn't work. It seemed like the series was trying to sex her up a bit and going for glamour rather than casting which fit. The new Kochanski didn't feel like part of the troupe and annoyingly appeared to be a 'token female character' which is a real shame given the character had years of established presence in the series and that could have been used to good effect. The strength of Red Dwarf was always the tight relationship between the key (and small) ensemble, that unraveled with the new Kochanksi. With a change to the writing partnership of Rob Grant and Doug Naylor and a bigger budget combined with less character driven comedy, Red Dwarf from series 7 onward had moments of brilliance but lacked the unique slob-intellectualism which it had created from the very first episode. Kochanski was annoying because she brought little to the series and was the unfortunate figurehead of a series past its prime.

I'd buy that for a dollar! Need I say more?
Oh ...go on then!
Robocop was a clever social satire disguised as a brainless action flick, it's one of the best films of the '80s and Bixby Snyder represented the way television celebrates the mediocre. Pervy, greasy and talentless, he was simply an empty celebrity figure with a catch-phrase. He gets hardly any screentime but director Paul Verhoeven managed to maximise his presence.

Mention annoying film characters and it isn't long before Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker is raised. He's not in this list though because (other than Jar Jar Binks being far more annoying!), the lack of charisma fits in with the moody youth persona of the character. Anyway, in Episode III he gets mutilated, that's a kind of karma.
Chris Tucker in Fifth Element is loud and brash and constantly annoying - but that's the point of the character.
And lastly we have 2 characters from the Star Trek universe. Now, I love Data in ST:TNG, but you can't dispute the fact that once he had his emotion chip switched on from Star Trek: Generations, he became a dick. Giving Data emotions was like giving Spock a happy-go-lucky attitude, it just doesn't work and it turns the character into something they aren't. As for Chakotay, I don't have much beef with Chakotay - but I wish he'd stop banging on about his f*****g spirit guides!!!


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  2. A very nice article!

    Maybe it's my ridiculous geekyness when it comes to oldschool horror but "I'm not the biggest Twilight fan." seems preety weak a statement.

    But overall I agree with you on all these chars & their origins.

    I especially love that you've included Adric & Bixby Snyder.

    You're comment on the Indominus Rex is also pure gold!

    Thank you.